Indigo Dreamer - Intuitive Readings

How Kerry Learned to Become an Intuitive Reader

So many people ask me how I learned this style of Intuitive Readings, that I have decided to write it down.

Its a big long story and I didn't just wake up one morning all seasoned and tuned into the Universe. Of course the blue print was there but it was definitely a hit and miss process (and still is) and its been a very long journey from my childhood and early adulthood. In those formative years I felt dissociated, un-grounded, out-of-body; completely out of balance and totally numbed, to my centre and out of touch with all parts of self (my body, my emotions, my intellect and my fiery spirit). I also come from a place of total self-hatred, self-loathing, low self-worth and I have driven myself unmercifully for much of my life.

All these traits of self have actually been very helpful in creating Who I Am and led me on the odyssey of Knowing Myself and rather forced me to have to use my instincts and intuition to survive.

So here is a bit about how some of these aspects of self formed over the years of my life and opened the door to my creative intuitive abilities.

As a child I had an interest in the paranormal, esoteric and mystery areas of life. When I was young I played with an Oija board, read UFO magazines and other paranormal books, watched the amazing Kreskin on TV (a show about a magician/illusionist), had an astrology game, dream interpretation book, kids tarot cards and I would even lead my friends on guided journeys (meditation) for fun.

It is plain to see that my interests formed a part of my early foundation and this is what I meant earlier about the blue print being there. This means I came onto the planet with a desire to explore these aspects of the world as part of my souls desire.

Although my parents let me play with these things, none of it was taken seriously or fostered in any way. So the interest was there but no one else really shared this interest or taught me anything about it. This is why I said it has been a "hit and miss" experience in discovering my intuitive side. I was simply never taught the skills or tools necessary in understanding my sensitivities and empathic abilities.

And our culture and current society simply do not fully integrate the tools or guides to show us the way through our sensitivities, emotions or intuition in general. We are numbed into thinking the intellect and the physical bodies are the only aspects of self, with some mention of the spirit side of your nature. And this culture mostly focuses on the intellect - which is an important ingredient in the pie of life - its just not the whole pie (and it creates a very great imbalance, in individuals and in on our planet in general, to be so focused on only one aspect of self). We are 4-fold humans, consisting of a physical body, emotional feelings, intellectual side and spiritual nature. Many cultures translate this same quaternity into the 4 element of earth, water, air and fire (some add the 5^th element of nature).

As a child I was extremely emotionally sensitive and could feel the feelings of others, of animals and nature in general. I was sensitive to everything and simply didn't know how to cope. I learned the coping skills I was taught by my parents and school and society (mainly to dissociate from my sensitivities in unhealthy ways such as addiction and distraction). In essence I left my body early (in infancy) and shifted farther away at age 3 and then pretty completely at age 7.

Another way to cope was to act in ways that I thought people wanted (in order to stay safe). In other words, I stuck to the rules of my home, my school, my friends homes and to society norms� in general. In essence, I became a robot to the external world and did not pay attention to the inner many of the inner cues of my emotions, mind, body and spirit (which were all screaming at me to recognize and acknowledge them).

Many people do this without realizing it - change Who They Are to suit the situation - and I know this is just a wise ways of dealing with the alarm bells going off inside and not knowing how else to survive. So survive is what most people do and they will do this with any coping mechanism that takes them away from a world that they cannot function cohesively in (addictions, distractions, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping...and the list goes on and on).

Using coping mechanism is helpful to a point but what one really needs to do is recognize the imbalance for what it is and then learn new ways of being centered and learn to listen to the in-put from all the senses (emotions, body cues, intuition or spirit and the intellect) and then find the balance from all 4 parts of self.

So what I did (and needed to do in order to find balance) was to loose all sense of Who I Was. You cannot know Who You Are, until you know Who You Are Not. This is great to know now but at the age of 7, the only way I could cope with my reality was to become very introverted and a puppet to my external reality (I believed I was powerless to do anything else).

What I didn't know, or have any consciousness of, was that my withdrawal was all timely and perfect for my souls journey. This all came much later - in my 40's. So it was 30 plus years of hell before the light bulb about my early years really came on brightly.

When I was a teenager I turned away from the paranormal interests I had had and became interested in other things (mostly drinking, smoking, doing drugs and dissociating as much as possible). I also had heath problems beginning at age 8 and peaking with a brain tumour at age 18 (all part of the Divine plan for my life but I sure didn't know that then).

Because of my stubborn and tenacious nature (which formed because I felt powerless in the external world) I became a control freak in my inner world (my thoughts and feelings). I learned to plow my way through everything (talk about going against the flow but at the same time it all helped create Who I Am. A very big dichotomy).

Because I had had my pituitary gland removed (the master gland of the body), conventional medicine doomed me to a shortened life and/or a disabled life. Despite all this, I decided to become a registered nurse and I decided to specialize in neurosurgical intensive care nursing (which means working with head injured patients and unconscious patience's and anything else that stemmed from physical head illnesses). Ironically this is exactly what I had - an illness that stemmed from the brain.

The pituitary gland is a pea size gland in the middle of your brain which controls almost all bodily functions. I find this extremely amusing now that I was such a control freak that I thought I could think my way through this physical reality by taking over the pituitary glands function consciously.

A bold and daring endeavour on my souls part but ultimately foolish for the sheer enormity of this undertaking (consciously controlling bodily functions down to the cellular, hormonal and metabolic levels). In fact, its too big a task to even grasp, yet this was part of my souls desire and journey. And there I was working right in the perfect place to learn about the functioning of the whole body in a job as neurosurgical ICU nurse.

Of course extreme health problems forced me to leave nursing in under 10 years and go on long term disability. I was already in denial about my illness and pretty much tried to ignore the fact that I was not normal�. Leaving my career and being dependent on others was such an unpalatable thought. I was ashamed of my illness and not being able to control my physical reality. I felt like a powerless, un-contributing, fungus on the planet.

I continued to completely ignored and denied all the physical problems (which were extensive beyond my belief) but ultimately my problems kept catching up with me and became undeniable. Despite my outward denial, my inner reality was screaming at me and I knew I was desperate. I even lost the use of arms and legs to a great degree and still tried to deny my reality. Of course, these tangible physical symptoms could not be denied, so I had to begin to explore my options and sought help.

First I explored, and exhausted, my search in conventional medicine, then around 1989 I began to learn about unconventional medicine, which included such radical things (at that time) as chiropractic care, osteopathy, massage, psychotherapy. I kept exploring these (less extreme) forms of unconventional medicine until sheer desperation with my health had me reaching out to see a psychic healer in 1992 (which came about due to a dreams I was having - see About Us for my Dream Story).

Part of me figured this psychic healer would be a waste of time and a whole lot of silly nonsense. But obviously some part of me was also willing and knowing enough that when this opportunity arouse (referred by my physiotherapist) that I paid attention and listened and followed through with an appointment.

My only knowledge of psychic healers was from seeing a fellow on TV from the Philippines who put his hands into someones stomach and pull out a bloody something (turns out he was a fraud and it was a chicken liver). Not a very convincing argument to rush off and see a psychic healer (and I remind you here that I am a registered nurse by career and raised in a very conventional home environment). So my beliefs about psychic healers was very low but still I could not deny my intrigue at the thought of seeing a physic healer and I know now that it was my intuition speaking to me (and I just wasn't able to recognize the signs). Thank goodness I heard this whisper from my wise inner self.

And I was in for a shock when I met this female psychic healer (who lived in a very upscale part of Toronto). In fact she turned out to be the first empowered, grounded, centered woman I had ever met. She did not refer to herself as psychic but simply as a healer and she did hands-on healing (similar to Reiki but grounded in the Earth energies).

This was the start of my true healing journey and introduction to the world of psychic / intuitive energy. I became interested in the dynamics of energy and the Auric field and started studying it with gusto, experimenting on myself, my pets, family or anyone that was willing to let me do hands-on-healing. I was too ignorant to even realize I was already amazing sensitive and my new found healer (and friend) was astonished at my gifts and talents.

But I simply did not even begin to realize the enormity of my ability to "plug into Universal data" until I was well into my 40's. That is to say, it took me years to get to begin to Know Myself. I was absolutely brain dead prior to this opening. And I now realize that the best intuitives, sensitives and empaths are the people that know themselves well (and that's really the only skill you need but not one that is taught well in our culture). Knowing the Self is the lost art of the Ancient Mystery Schools, ancient cultures and indigenous peoples.

Around this same time in my life (1990 - age 29) I had discovered dream work and this was revolutionary for setting me on the right course for me. And knowing how to translate symbols is the foundation for what I currently do with the intuitive readings. Being able to translate this Language of the Universe is the foundation upon which my intuitive powers are based. If you want to improve your own psychic and intuitive abilities 10-fold, learn your symbols and what they mean! This is the second level of the Ancient Mystery School Teachings (the first level being Know Thyself�).

Another factor paramount in my learning to channel and tap into intuitive information came from declaring bankruptcy! Yes I was broke, on long-term disability (making $600/month) and very ill. My damaged endocrine system (no pituitary gland) means I do not process energy like a normal person. It is something I have to consciously work at. My adrenal glands don't make cortisol, which is what you need to give you energy. I do take medication to help but this long-term use of steroids has caused a huge amount of problems on their own.

I share this with you because in the long run it was an integral part of "breaking me down". I needed to be completely powerless (or so I thought) in order to learn to be powerful (use my senses to figure out how to survive here on earth. This duality (that we all live in), is the 3rd level of the Ancient Mystery School Teachings - Know Who You Are Not. This is better known as the polar opposite energies that actually make things Whole - not opposite - just opposing, and creating a dynamic tension. This actually keeps things fluid and functioning but we just tend to get stuck in the "all black or all white paradigm.

So my whole life was giving me all the training I needed - I just didn't know it and I sure didn't accept it - remember, I was so tenacious and stubborn that "going with the flow" had been the challenging motto most of my life. Learning to go with the greater flow of consciousness is a 4th level Mystery School Teaching.

It took me a long time to figure all this out and how to use energy (how to live in a body with no pituitary) and how to conserve my energy - because I simply do not function like anyone else and do not naturally process energy (ie: make energy). This has all been a learned behaviour for me and this was also pivotal in my process to doing intuitive readings.

Because another huge problem for me has been a muscular skeletal problem (muscle wasting and fat redistribution problem) from taking the medications (which I do require to stay alive). These side affects began to manifest around 1987 and became undeniable by 1989 and subsequently had me go on disability and left my arms dangling useless at my sides for years on end. It was also hard to stand up or in one place. I could not even stand in a bank line up or at a store. I could still walk but was quite wobbly and could only go about 50 feet at one time.

This problem is still with me today (muscle wasting and fat redistribution) but I have learned to cope and change and change and change! And the changes keep me alive and flowing and these "problems" give me reason to live. So its all Divine if seen through a certain lens - which is exactly what my life was teaching me - to see through many lens (and this is what intuitiveness is to me).

It was a combination of all these factors that basically forced me (again that powerlessness perspective I needed) to sit on my rear in a chair for many years. I was too ill to watch TV, read or interact with people (all these activities take energy and when you don't have much you get real wise about how to use it).

I also suffered from chronic fatigue, environmental sensitivities, fibromyaligia, osteoarthritis and sick-all-over syndrome. All these factors meant one thing. Go inside. Sit quietly. Meditate. Don't use any energy at all. I was in a semi-conscious state much of the time (and still find that this is what I need to do on a daily basis to maintain energy levels, a deep meditative state). In this way I have learned to adapt, cope and stay alive. Learning to use my sensitivities to the environment and my inner world (intuitiveness) has been instrumental in just staying alive but has also been fundamental in the expansion of my intuitive self.

I really learned to meditate in my teens when I realized something was different with me. No instructions, no workshops, no idea on how to do this but I knew it was all I had. I could not afford a book or a workshop anyway and I was not hanging out with real wise people at that time either (my family has a history of alcoholism “ which is our coping mechanism and which I would have fallen more deeply into if I had not been so ill and unable to continue drinking). Thank goodness for my illnesses which kept forcing me into other areas of exploration (ie: meditation, dream work, the dynamics of energy and physics).

Sitting and going inside saved my life. This is how I began my observation of the dynamics of energy. Sitting still for hours everyday teaches you much. Accumulate that over years and you can get to know yourself and the Universe really well. Dream work was free and I loved exploring the meaning of my rich dream life. Meditating was free and I began to find it fascinating. I couldn't, at that time, get to a place of peace, so I used what I had (ie: my feelings/emotions, my mental chatter, my senses, breathing, creative imagination, fiery spiritual insights, my body and its sensations, the energy field around me or whatever was available to focus on). It just became my full time work - staying alive and dreaming of growing back my pituitary gland so I could "have a life".

Observing others was also free and I learned about how others mirror your traits (positive and negative ones) and this was a huge free learning curve (still is and will always be). I also learned how to do hands-on healing and over the years offered this service - for free. I then began charging for my healing work but the learning curve was exponential as I began to discern what was the clients and what was mine�. Energetically I was picking up a ton of data on people, so it became paramount to be able to discern the difference between their energetic date and mine. I dabbled in energy work for 10 years or more (doing as much as I could despite the huge drain it would usually create on me). Not realizing that my whole ecosystem was totally out of balance and that this devotion to others was also very unbalancing (I had this same pattern in childhood, in nursing, in marriage...I just got lost and more lost and could not find my centre).

I kept trying everything out on my own and experimenting in as many ways as possible. I did try every modality offered in community and then workshops with others but could find no teachers that were really balanced or shinning examples of balance or even remotely whole. Fortunately I did have 2 empowered women to observe and learn from for a short period of life in my early 30's but I felt abandoned after that and just kept searching inside and into the ethers and earth for help. Thank goodness I did, and it all seems perfect now, but at the time I was going through endless hell looking for my centre.

Eventually I realized (around 2004) that the hands-on healing work I was doing was really intuitive readings and since hands-on-healing was becoming too physically demanding, I decided to just get rid of the healing table and started doing readings.

Now that being said, you'd think my life would all be rosy because I can tap into Universal data with free will and consciousness. And yes, I feel and know I am so blessed with this gift. I also know the huge process I have had to undertake to learn to bring this gift fully into my life and I know the price my physical body has paid to take this path of awareness.

But knowing something, and then acting on it, and creating here in the physical are two different things. I know I cannot think my way through my reality (ie: just tap into Universal data) because I am here the physical earth plane. One has to walk the path in order to keep the dream alive and visa versa. And that is the next leg of my journey. Learning to walk in balance and live in my centre in this crazy, seemingly messed-up reality that we have all collectively created.

Yes this current paradigm (planet earth) is off centered and out of balance and getting worse, but I also get to see glimpses of the Divine plan (also a 4th level Mystery School Teaching and something everyone can learn to do because we are all connect to Creator). And this glimpse is positive and hopefull and gives me hope to continue despite the many bumps in the road. It this glimpse which is part of our own fiery spirit energy which everyone has and which you can learn to see/use to bring balance into your life by knowing these things about Yourself.

This is partly what I offer in Intuitive Readings (an opportunity to know Who You Are and how you operate or function). But you can also learn this in the workshops I offer as they are meant to give you the training wheels you need to maneuver through your life in the healthiest, balanced, centered way possible.

As for honing your own intuitive skills, one of the most important avenues that opened for me as an Intuitive was learning symbolism. I never thought my dream symbols would lead me to such incredible depths of Who I Am. It was of greater importance than I could have ever realized. Through symbolic understanding, I learned that spirit speaks to us all through the day in a symbolic way and this changed my life. It is the foundation of my intuitive work today to be able to translate the way spirit communicates with us and our lives are much richer with deeper meaning than you could imagine. Those that catch on (to signs, symbols and daily spirit communication) are irrevocably changed for life (in positive, if not overwhelming ways).

Knowing that Creator was speaking to me all during the day (not just during dreams) with messages in symbolic terms was an eye-opening experience in my life. Sitting inside myself and observing the flow of energy was amazing and mind-altering in revelations and insights. All these things can be taught and learned and incorporated into your everyday life (because they are already a part of your everyday life and its just that no one has likely ever pointed it out).

Another important part of my journey was having lots of physical pain because it allowed me to learn how to stretch myself, my mind and my faith on my intuitive development journey. I would connect to the pain in my body and with such determined focus that I was able to feel the actual spin of the molecules in these areas of pain. I discovered that the tissue of your body actually holds energetic data in the very spin of the molecules. I began to discern what messages lay behind the spin and played at this level of my being for months on end and the information seemed endless. This is what I now do for others during a reading, but I never thought my self-exploration and pain would serve me so well.

There is also information to be found in the energy field. And I discovered that if I could connect with the energetic data, I could also clear it and leave openings for healing energy to pour into this now unoccupied space. I never shared any of this with anyone, nor did I ever expect to do intuitive readings because of this. But this is how I leaned to connect with (my own) and then others people's energetic data by extreme focus and becoming one with the molecular spin. I know that sounds odd, but that's what I do and now it seems so normal to me that I wonder what's wrong with the rest of humanity. Why can't they feel this - its just so tangible now and I know that many people are super sensitive Â to their environments and have learned to close down because of it, not open up. My intuitive development workshops now show emotional sensitive, physically sensitive, empathic and etherically sensitive people how to connect and balance and centre themselves, while opening to these sides of self.

I learned to retrieve data through all my senses and in as many ways as I could be creative about receiving it. The spaces in non-ordinary reality are endless and everyone's entire history can be found in the spin of a single molecule. It blew my mind away to start discovering this but still I never thought I'd end up being an intuitive. I was just doing all this for my own healing reasons.

So I learned all these things through experimentation over the years as I did my meditation, dream work and my hands-on healing work. It was all free, fun and fascinating and since I was sitting in a chair all day and trying to figure out how to stay alive�.learning how to master myself on all levels and learning to consciously do what the pituitary gland does�. This has all led to me offering my services as I currently do.

Not only did all this inner journeying connect me with my own inner wisdom but I would see and experience angels and spirit guides in a myriad of ways. It took years to trust that I wasn't going crazy. It took years to trust my own senses because in retrospect I was connecting with molecular behaviour in my earlier years (20's and even younger) but didn't recognize it as such.

Sometimes I would look at something and move into it in "real time" (that is an experience hard to describe - but your consciousness / awareness actually becomes the energy). This is what I do now. I move into "real time" during a reading and I become other peoples energy and stand in their shoes for a moment in time and access all the information that makes up Who They Are - or as much as I am allowed to see - which seems pretty vast and endless.

Many of my early experiences are now the foundation of what I do consciously during a reading. For example, I would look at a flower and become the energy of the flower and know what the essence of that flower was (what if felt like to be a flower). Or look at a great blue heron and know what it felt like to be that bird. I didn't realize I had just focused my energy so intently that I immediately bonded or resonate so finely with it that I actually sensed it in "real time" (like that person, animal or object was experiencing it in that moment).

While working on others doing hands-on healing work I would start to pick up info in my mind, through my feelings in pictures and images. The only reason I was able to discern the meaning was because I was very familiar with what my own thoughts and feelings and because I knew what my own symbols meant. I knew what was mine and what wasn't. When I started sharing with people what I was experiencing with them during a healing session, they would give me feedback about what was their own truth. Slowly I stared trusting what I was picking up. But it is so important to know Who You Are when embarking on using your intuition as a guide post for others.

I can now look back on these experiences and be grateful for my illness, my bankruptcy, the support of my long-term disability income and a roof over my head and a chair under my bottom (and everything else in between). This is what it took to get me to go inside myself and explore the inner reality. And everyone's own life is has a master plan or blueprint for balance (what we call happiness) and most people end up unconsciously pulling themselves way off centre in order to restore order (so in fact, those stuck places, ruts, lowest of lows, are also part your souls and Creators ingenious plan). An intuitive reading just offers a glimpse of those plans, and it still has to be manifested by you - and absolutely no one else can walk in your shoes and do this work (the blue print plan) for you. Of course there will be contributors and others to help and it still will come down to you learning how to follow your own souls design or plan or purpose(s).

I now consider myself a translator of energy / vibration (which is what we and everything in the Universes are made of). My early training as a dream interpreter, nurse, hands-on healer, teacher and meditator have all contributed to Who I Am as an intuitive today. My work seems quite rational to me and I am surprised that people can't feel the vibrations and energies that exist all around us. But this has come with years of observation of energy (in me and others). It would be unrealistic for anyone to start here and everyone can experience energy in some way that is unique to them.

My soul's journey and objective is to walk a very fine line of balance in this life. My sensitivities allow me to do this. But realize that this comes with a type of price tag. If I have anxiety, fear or doubtful thinking, I immediately experience adrenal/kidney pain. It has taken me years (and I still need to work on this every single day) to learn to be in this body because I can feel things going on at many levels of my Being (the emotional, mental, spiritual) at all times. This may sound great but it can create imbalances and so I have had to learn where to put my focus and how to live with such an open flow of endless information streaming through me. I suspect everyone could learn to do this work but I could not imagine many people would have the "luxury" of the conditions I had (hours to meditate all day). I could not possibly have these sensitivities and not be aware of them at this point as it is Who I Am.

You can certainly learn some of the techniques I use in my intuitive readings and I offer this knowledge in my workshops. I set my intent for my teaching, that you become (or learn to become) self-directed Â and its pivotal to recognize your own truth. I hope to share as much of my knowledge and journey as possible with you and to be of service as much as possible in the hopes of paving a better way for all of us to live this human life.

Walking the good red road.